My photography skills do not do Walsall any justice. Apart from the Town Centre, the rest of the town is genuinely amazing.
Over the past week or so, I truly came to terms with the fact that I am 5 years behind everyone and my ideal self that I envisioned as a 13 year old. I didn’t want to become a journalist then, my aim was that by 23, I wanted to work in the City, wear a designer suit to work, have a beemer parked in front of my flat or small house in Zone 2 or 3, and travel 15-20 minutes on the tube to my place of work. That was the plan. I feel that I am at least 8 years away from coming close to emulating that dream. But difference is now that I have accepted that I failed in the past, I accept my mistakes, it’s time to look forward now. I can’t dwell on the past forever. The world isn’t stopping for me, or for anyone for that matter. It’s now or never. Since I stated uni, I’ve complained constantly about what I should have done or what could have been. That got me nowhere, it only added burden and stress. For the first time in months, I feel like I may be onto something. I accept there will be shitty days but I have to make most of them count. This may be arrogance but I look at others on my course and wonder how I am not getting the same grades as them, I know I am at least on their level.
isnt it funny how things from the past can all of a sudden jump at u and squeeze ur throat and just fucking nearly kill u only by appearing as a brief memory or as a fling of imagination
I should call Birmingham New Street Station my second home. I spend a lot of time there, you know, waiting for trains towards Walsall and London. This year, I planned to go home less, maybe every 2 weeks. Worked half the time. This semester, I’ve gone back 4 times already, including this trip. I wasn’t exactly thinking of coming back this week, but I found one half of a ticket Brum bound which was expiring tomorrow. That was a good enough excuse for me to use. Plus I don’t think I have it in me to go to the Cinema with everyone tomorrow. Firstly, a waste of money, and I feel like I’m forcing myself to socialise with everyone. I’d rather be alone in my room at Walsall than be out with any of them. Does that paint a descriptive picture? There’s a trip on Monday to the Houses of Parliament, hosted by the local MP. Dress code is ‘Smart’. All my smart clothes are at my parents house so another excuse I used to backup my trip, woohoo (!)
It’s also really weird how my days are going recently. In the mornings, I get up and feel very optimistic and hopeful that today will be the day which will turn my fortunes around. By the end of the day though, I don’t feel like talking to anyone, negative thoughts return. Today is a bit mixed, leaning more on the positive side. My mamoo’s health is improving steadily so that was good news, I got some shorthand practice done in the morning, I went to the gym for a bit; I was a bit like a headless chicken there. I certainly didn’t don the right attire and I spent half hour on the treadmills. It’s a start at least.. But no matter how productive a day was, it ends in sadness or misery. However, there is always Tumblr when I am feeling down in the dumps, and it is a good distraction, I must admit.
Tomorrow I’m hoping to go somewhere in Birmingham or the Midlands. A day to myself, before I go back with my dad to Essex on Saturday or Sunday. The man agreed to another locum this weekend. I really want him to stop working, I am patiently waiting for the day I can tell my dad to quit his job and retire because I will take on his financial responsibilities.